You Lost Me At Hello

First Impression, Lasting Impression (Lessons from a 7yr Old Mach ‘Macharia’, FKLA)

 Costumes are the first impression that you have of their character before they open their mouth-it really does establish who they are. - Colleen Atwood

Four days ago we took off on a trip with very good friends from the Futures Mentors Network led by Mr. Evans Njoro to visit and hangout with some of the most brilliant and intelligent kids on the planet, from the Flying Kites Leadership Academy, a home and school for abandoned, abused and orphaned children in Kenya, located at the foot of the Aberdares Mountains. As we arrived into this cool home, we got this huge, exciting and warm welcome by the FKLA family, but what struck me most was this one little kid whose eyes seemed to have words jump off his eyelids s his eyes kept on flickering. I said hello, and I got to know his name in the process, Mach-(macharia), a 7 year old.

This is how Brian Jones, the Country director of FKLA describes Mach (In the photo above) in his blog http://twosailingships.wordpress.com/. He (mach) is just flat out adorable.  He is totally independent, wide-eyed, and fascinated by his new world.  If you see him without a car in hand, without motor sounds or giggles, you have seen something I have not.  Without a greeting of any kind, he will grab your hand and join you wherever it is you are going, looking up with his flickering eyes

My experience with mach was no different, he got a hold of my hand tried to follow me for a minute but he probably figured the brother was so busy & engrossed in sharing pleasantries with staff and volunteers to have time for him. We met later after 25 minutes, Mach gave me these blank look of: You lost me at Hello, that’s when it hit me, there was a disconnect, in that moment, I made up mind to make my first impression, a lasting impression on him

You never get a second chance to make a first impression.

You never get a second chance to make a great first impression. Within a few seconds, with just

a glance, people have judged your social and economic level, your level of education, and even

your level of success. Within minutes, they’ve also decided your level of intelligence,

trustworthiness, competence, friendliness, and confidence. Although these evaluations happen in

an instant, they can last for years: first impressions are often indelible. Why do split-second

impressions, which may have been made on a bad hair day, last for so long?

Aggressive, tough and defiant may describe me, but that leaves the impression I'm mean and I'm not. People expect me to have fangs. - Joan Jett

One reason is that, because “faced with the choice between changing one’s mind and proving there is no need to do so, almost everyone gets busy on the proof,” said economist John Kenneth Galbraith. Behavioral research has since proven him right: once we’ve made a judgment about someone, we spend the rest of our acquaintanceship seeking to prove ourselves correct. Everything we see and hear gets filtered through this initial opinion.

My experience with Mach taught me to make a favorable impression when first meeting someone, and the rest of your working relationship will be colored by it, thereby tipping the scales in your favor. On the other hand, an unfavorable first impression can prove impossible to overcome, often deciding the outcome of a meeting even if the rest of the interaction was impeccable. Lawyers know just how much their client’s first impression on a jury can affect the outcome of the trial and often spend hours preparing them for this first moment.

#Genius Is The Ability To Act Rightly Without Precedent, The Power To Do The Right Thing The First Time

I’d contend that nine times out of ten it’s the quality of our interaction that leaves a lasting impression. Sure, dressing well is all good. But the most powerful impressions, for better or worse, usually come down to how the other person perceives you are relating to them. Did you seem rude? Easy to talk to? Preoccupied? Insincere? Confident? Uninterested.

This are the kind of questions that ran through my head in my attempt to connect with Mach. Probably you are asking, did you eventually get to connect with mach? Your guess is as good as mine, Yes I did! He gave me an amazing smile, we played, ate and danced together, he got to open up and told me his story, it was an incredible one

‘A man that has friends must show himself friendly: and there is a friend that  sticks closer than a brother’ – Ref : Bible. Proverbs 18:24 KJV

Too often while we’re focusing on looking the part or saying the right things, the other person is thinking to themselves, like Mach did with his look, “You lost me at hello”.  The “golden rule” is actually quite simple: People like people who are like them. So let’s get beyond dressing for success and harness the power of quality conversations to make not just an impression, but a connection. Here are a few tangibles to work with:

1. Be Interested

It doesn’t get more fundamental than this and I must confess it’s an area I’ve had to work on. What I excused as just part of my ‘focused’ personality type for many years actually left people feeling like I was uninterested in them. Ouch. The truth is… people are interesting. But the choice to truly engage in those opening moments of a conversation can make or break all that follows.

2. Ask Questions

If the best you’ve got is “So, what do you do?” then you’ve got work ahead. If your questions can be answered with cookie-cutter clichés then you aren’t asking quality questions. Remember the goal is to create a connection, not just a forgettable conversation. Where might questions like “What’s your background?” or “What do you find most rewarding about your work?” lead a conversation?

3. Listen Intently

I must admit, am no expert in this field, but I’ve learned and still learning to listen not only for what is said, but also for what is not said. For many of us, listening is a discipline we need to work on. It’s much more than being quiet while thinking about what to say next. Truly listening to another human being is a way of placing value on them. Whether you married, dating, parenting or you’re in sales or service industry I can guarantee that the inability to listen will cost you dearly.

4. Be Genuine

I interacted with this guy in the course of our trip over the weekend to flying kites who wanted to know more about what I do. I shared first and after I discussed my values one of them said, “You mentioned authenticity. What does that mean for you?” I answered that it was what I had just done- freely talking about who I am, what I’m about and what I do… before I know whether that’s what they are looking for.

5. Be Interesting

I personally believe that every person is interesting, but we do ourselves a real disservice when we don’t consider what other people might find intriguing about us. Instead of rattling off the same old stuff in conversations why not take it up a gear. “Actually, what I’m really passionate about is…” (insert cause/ problem/ solution/ dream here).

But I'm not like sad, depressed miserable person. I guess sometimes I give off that impression.

- Edward Furlong

This week… hone the skills of memorable first conversations.

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