STIFLING THE CRITIC

CRITICS, CRITICS, CRITICS EVERYWHERE

Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes. ~ Unknown

One Stop Barber Shop

Today, I went to cut my hair at my favorite joint ‘One Stop Barber Shop’ on Kenyatta Avenue in Nairobi’s central business district. Playing in the background was my favorite genre of music, Smooth Jazz, I found myself nodding my head to the seemingly unending back to back beats of David Benoit from his album ‘Freedom at Midnight’. Mean while I couldn’t help but notice a bunch of guys on the other side of the shop engaged in a heated soccer debate over what seemed to be a battle of funs over which is the best team in English premier league.  Now, for the record, I must admit that I am a die-hard fun of Arsenal FC; Dig it? The more the debate went on, the more the gunners got extremely criticized; the more I heard bad vibe; the more my wounded ego was awakened with the pain of loosing the ‘Carling Cup’ to Bolton Wanderers FC; and the embarrassment we got for being beaten by Barcelona FC at N Stadium a couple weeks ago kicking us out of the Champions League race and now the grim reality facing the Arsenal Soccer Club of not getting a hold of the EPL Cup.

Keeping My Cool

I was restless, but I had to keep my cool to allow my barber an easy time doing what he knows best, cut my hair. However I kept feeling a prompting within me to stand up and shut this guys down from howling criticism and insults over gunners players. I was agitated & distraught then it hit me, There’s no shortage of critics, in fact some are paid a lot of money to give us an earful of their analysis but critics don’t change the world. Instead the world is impacted by those on the edge willing to take a chance at doing something significant while risking criticism and failure. Kenneth Tyan referred to the critic as someone who “knows the way but can’t drive the car.” In Soccer speak ~ They know ‘how to score,’ but won’t play’.

 “One mustn't criticize other people on grounds where he can't stand perpendicular himself” ~ Mark Twain

There’s The Critics, Then There’s Everyone Else

There’s the critic and then there’s everyone else – the players (gunners), the athlete, the writer, the artist, the politician, the millionaire, the industry captains, the blogger, the leader… you know, the people risking criticism by doing something. The critic is rarely the one with answers or historical achievement. He’s far too busy measuring the limit of possibilities to be bothered with pushing those boundaries to new heights. He can recount in painstaking detail what should or should not have been done, how things aren’t quite right, how they don’t measure up, align with, or stack up. He’s that guy.  He’s the armchair Robin Van Persie soccer striker who could have picked up that terrific pass and made a clinical finish to put the gunners in the lead, never mind that he can’t hold onto a job and the last time he actually ran somewhere was when nature demanded that he takes a Bio-break to relieve himself.

Those who can -- do. Those who can't -- criticize. ~Unknown Source 

But isn’t there an element of the critic within each of us?

Somewhere inside each of us lurks an enemy ready to silence our best ideas and bury our loftiest dreams. It’s this internal critic who insists that limits must precede possibilities.  He draws hard lines around our creativity and insists upon playing it safe to avoid unknown outcomes. He’s there to edit before we’ve even begun our “crappy first draft.” Why? Plain and simple, it’s pretty much easier to talk about action than to take action. I must confess, I’ve been guilty of this several times as well.

‘Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves.’ ~ Brendan Behan

When was the last time the critic within gave you permission to:

Create something extraordinary?

Restore something remarkable?

Build something from nothing?

Overcome seemly insurmountable odds?

Become more than who you were yesterday?

Help someone accomplish greatness?

Give something with impact?

Contribute something lasting?

‘If you believe in what you are doing, then let nothing hold you up in your work. Much of the best work of the world has been done against seeming impossibilities. The thing is to get the work done.’ ~Dale Carnegie

CRUSHING THE CRITIC

There’s not a critic alive that can hinder the determined person who has a strong work ethic and purpose. Without the critic dictating the possibilities, we end up thinking and behaving differently. Suddenly our entire outlook shifts. Yesterday and tomorrow become lower priorities and right now becomes the most important moment. The critic is most concerned with past performances, and future uncertainties. It’s always yesterday and tomorrow… looking back and looking ahead…while missing the opportunity and beauty of the present moment.

Now Faith Is…

The NOW moment is where we make things happen. It’s the only place where we can take our next action and discover the effortless flow that occurs only while we are taking action. In that moment, we aren’t thinking about the paragraph we just wrote, the ball we just dropped,  the last sales rejection received or who just left our lives. We are caught up in what we are currently doing – capturing our words, scoring the goal, placing a smile on someone’s face or fulfilling a customers need. When we silence the critic, we are free to take chances and when we do that our passion can propel us to unknown moments of greatness.

 We crush the critic when we:

Give ourselves permission to have fun.

Take action without analysis.

Allow ourselves creative blocks without interruption.

Remain in the moment.

Fall in love with the process.

 When the critic shows up, it’s important to remember the words of Theodore Roosevelt.

‘It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.’

“Criticism is something we can avoid easily by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing”~ Aristotle

Now it’s your turn to share how you’re crushing the critic.

I’d love to hear your comments and feedback. Share This Article with your friends on your Social media networks.

Join ‘TheChampsMind’ family by following this blog on Google Connect. Follow me On Twitter www.twitter.com/DalizuKing   and/Or on Facebook  www.facebook.com/dalizu

My Mom On Striking The Balance –The Elusive Equilibrium

‘I believe that being successful means having a balance of success stories across the many areas of your life. You can't truly be considered successful in your business life if your home life is in shambles.’

                                                                                                                                                                         ~ Zig Ziglar

To Mom! My Sheroe! My SheChamp! ~Happy Mother’s Day

To be honest, I’ve never known when ‘Mothers Day’ comes into play, because to me every day is mothers’ day. Thanks to a friend who pointed out that May the 8^th is ‘the’ day. So, help me CELEBRATE all our Mothers; young or old, working or house wives, single or married, maternal or foster, spiritual or sage; for their love and bravery, for believing in us when no one else would. Those close to me know that in my world, my mother Ms. E.M.S Dalizu tops my most sung heroes & sheroes. Her first sheroic act is when she incubated me for about 266 days in her womb, was patient enough throughout the entire gestation period with the drama that comes with it to see to it that this new life now writing this blog post was birthed into this ‘time & space reality’ that we call planet earth. 

She’s withered all the storms that I could remember. I’ve witnessed her tear up in her best of moments with joy as she took delight in her accomplishments in life; I’ve been there in her not so good moments as well as she tackled the monster of domestic violence. I remember one day, she fell on the floor of our mud house, bleeding and clutching her fingers under a dining table in the fear of dying after experiencing a horrendous domestic violence incident that tempered with her pregnancy resulting in a still birth. I remember this as if ‘twas yesterday. My mother survived.

 ‘Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony’.

~Thomas Merton

The Evolving Supply & Demand of Life and Work

Mum raised us up as a good parent, instilled in us all the values necessary for growth and development. She taught me English in school as a professional educator. I’ve seen her tackle a plethora of the ever evolving unique and peculiar supply and demands of Life & Work. She wears many hats; she is a mother, a wife, an aunty, an entrepreneur,  an educator, a role model, a political advisor to her immediate area member of parliament on matters education, a soon to be counselor of God knows what ward, to bring sanity to local governance in her constituency. Go, Go, Go Mama!!!!

Not long ago, I spoke to her in what seemed to be an ending conversation, I reminded her of how she’s survived many cold winters, hot summers to be where she is now. She laughed with a sigh of relief in her voice as I put her to the task of sharing the wisdom she’s gleaned through her life’s challenges to younger women. What came out strongly from our talk was handling the demands of work and home. These is what she had to say ~ 

‘The challenge for career or working mothers has always been how to successfully do “the job”, while at the same time successfully doing the “other job” of being a mother.

Over the years my mother has found several concepts and skills that are critical to achieving balance in her life as she tackles The Demands of Life & Work. The following are some of her insights into striking the balance :

 Realize that you are out of balance.

We’ve all heard it before that in order to solve a problem you must first be aware of the problem. This may seem like a no- brainer, however I found out that when my mom’s life was out of balance she was the least likely person to notice it. Whenever she’s out of balance, She’d be too busy running around doing things that she has no time or inclination to feel anything. I once asked her what that meant, this’ what she has to say; 

‘For me, being out of balance is feeling that I miss my family or friends for example, or a feeling of deep fatigue, or of never being able to catch up or measure up’. 

Keeping in balance is not a one-time correction. It’s an on-going process, a constant and never ending improvement, a continuous checking-in to see what’s working and what’s not. A solution that worked two years ago may not be the ideal solution today.

 Get help.

This is extremely important being the multi-tasking woman my mom is. If your necessary tasks exceed your available time, it is time to get help. At work, if you can, hire another full time or part time employee. If you are not in a position to hire, go to your manager and talk about work reallocation. At home, getting help might be as simple as getting a house cleaner or a nanny, or asking family members to help out. Keep the tasks that you love and that you are best at on your to-do list, and employ someone else to help with the tasks that don’t require your particular skills or that you don’t enjoy.

Allow Others to Pitch In

You are not the only one capable of cooking, cleaning, and shopping. You are also not the only one who can edit an excel spreadsheet. Ask people to pitch in, giving your children chores, is a great way to not only teach them responsibility but also lighten your load. Boy, didn’t I work, from fetching water from the river, to cleaning the compound, to running errands for my mother. You probably did this when you were growing up, I did and your kids can too.

If you can, try not to expect anyone else to do things exactly the way, or as well, as you do. Every fixture in the bathroom may not be sparkling clean and the clothes may be a little wrinkly. Your husband may not cook as healthy a meal as you do. That’s OK and let them do it anyway and make their own mistakes while offering words of encouragement where you can. I saw my dad cook sometimes, not great meals though. *[Laughing Out Loud]*

Quit Trying To Be a “Super Mom’’.

It might seem like all the other children’s moms have it all together and can easily juggle all the demands of a working mother but, let us face it, every mother has her own problems and insecurities. It may not be the same problem for everyone. For some, it’s disrespectful children, for others, it could kids with disability of some sort, for others there could be problems in their marriage or even physical challenges. There is no such thing as a “Super Mom” so stop trying to be one.

It is OK to say “No” to others.

All parents already know that you can’t say “Yes” to everything. There are moments while growing up when I needed my mum to do something for me, and she’d go..Nope!

Yet many mothers still say “Yes” way too often. It can be very difficult to say “No” sometimes, especially when it’s a family member, or your church, or your child’s school doing the asking.

Keep in mind that “No” doesn’t mean “Never”. Now might not be a good time to get a new toy but that doesn’t mean that you will never get the latest toy in the market. You will even have to say “No” to things that you really wish you could do. Don’t feel bad about this. Saying “No” to most requests means that when you do say “Yes” you can commit one hundred percent to the project and feel really good about it.

It is OKAY to say “Yes” to yourself.

You have to take care of yourself, physically and emotionally. If you don’t, you won’t have the energy to do your best. Make time for yourself in your schedule. It is important for your overall health and success to exercise, eat right, rest, and make time for the things that make you happy. If my mother resisted the opportunity to say YES to herself, I could have buried her 6 feet under by now, I kid you not. Am pretty glad right now that she’s healthy, fresh, vibrant, full of energy and loving life. Say Yes to You. It’s OKAY. 

Embrace change.           

God doesn't always give us details but He does give clear direction... don't move in uncertain direction. But don't be held up by details!

Don’t just tolerate change, invite change. There are some times that call for big changes such as going back to school, changing careers, or starting a business. If you feel like your job is killing you, it probably is and it’s time for a change. Always strive to be your most authentic self. You must know yourself to achieve the right kind of balance that works for you. Try something different. Have a “Plan B” in case it doesn’t work out. The worst case scenario is that you’ve learned something about yourself that can help guide you in the future. Practice being brave and bravery will get easier.

Always Connect To Your Spiritual Source

 ‘The steps of a good man [woman] are ordered by the lord: and he delights in his way. Though he/she fall, he shall utterly be cast down: for the lord upholds him/her with his hand’ ~Bible Psalms 37:23-24

Always stay plugged into your source. Take time out to pray and align yourself with God. Trust your intuition and pay attention to the divine promptings & timing to help you maintain balance. This applies to the big changes as well as the small details. You may know that your current job is not the best place for you and that you need to change jobs.

Then the question becomes, “When and How?”. If it doesn’t feel like the right time yet, then trust your divine leading. Make the big changes when the time is right. Timing matters for smaller decisions too, like whether you should work through lunch or take a break or when the time is right for an important phone call. Trust your intuition on these matters and you’ll find that things go smoother than you expected.

‘In therapy I have learned the importance of keeping spiritual life and professional life balanced. I need to regain my balance’. ~Tiger Woods

Balance is not something that you can achieve if you just think about it hard enough. Balance is something you must feel your way through. Regular prayer and meditation, or just talking with friends can help you work through what you feel isn’t in balance. Realize that you have choices and then trust yourself and trust God to move you in the right direction at the right time.

Note: These are lessons that I drew from my mom Mrs. E.M.S.Dalizu, so join me in celebrating all our wonderful mothers all over the world, without them some of us wouldn’t have made it this far. To MOTHERS, I salute you all. Happy Mothers’ Day.

I’d love to hear your comments and feedback. Share This Article with your friends on your Social media networks. Use this platform to give your shout outs to all Moms around the world

Oli is a social entrepreneur, a leader, a freelance writer, a circuit speaker and a blogger on personal leadership . Follow him on Twitter @ http://www.twitter.com/DalizuKing